An Ethical Dilemma Regarding Family
I am looking for some objective advice. My wife and I have been close her cousin and his wife. We were seeing them constantly. Until a few months ago he was the ethics officer for a large division of a multi-national corporation. He lived his calling. He was an ethical family man, close to his daughter and a well respected leader in the extended family. He was very social and very engaging with many friends.
4 months ago he began an affair with the ethics officer from another division of the same company, in a neighboring country. Let's call her Trixie. She has a PhD in religion and has done consulting in ethics in her past.
He has disengaged from family, friends, went to counseling and lied to his wife about their being another woman. He has become another person. His wife busted him a few weeks ago. We are all supporting her. It has been almost impossible to give him advice because he is shunning everyone.
Where he is a pot smoking martini drinking fun guy, Trixie is Mennonite and had never had a drink until he made her a martini. He is Jewish. His daughter is married, Trixie has two young children and is apparently divorced or about to be. She lives in another country about 1200 miles away. Through lies and deceit with work and family they have managed to spend a lot of time together the last 4 months. He married his wife right out of college and it was his first major relationship. He is in his 50s and Trixie is in her 40s.
The hypocrisy of this is stunning, given their occupations. The damage to our family has been extensive. I have discovered her identity through a little internet surfing. What do I do? Anything?
Do nothing
Just because you are an ethics officer doesn't require you to be ethical. You are there to examine the ethics in a company, and when you get home, perhaps you want to unwind a bit.
All kidding aside, you should keep your nose out of it. They have broken no laws, and we should keep our moral judgments out of other people's bedrooms. There are no legal codes. They may be destroying their own lives, but the only unethical person here is you. Stay off the internet, stop trying to dig up this dirt. In the end, it is possible that your friend and his wife may stay together. And they will hate you for interfering with their lives. If they ask you to enter into their business, then you can. But until then, you are meddling in something very dangerous.